Do you have friends from 20 years ago that you are still close to today? I use to think that I did until I accepted the truth that a lot of them were just people I'd known for a really long time.
Many of those relationships we are still linked too are because of something known as a trauma bond.
When we have trauma bonds we accept whatever treatment people give us, and we excuse the persons behavior and make exceptions in our mind of why it's acceptable.
Whenever you can make time to phone a friend to say "Hey, I'm just calling to see how you're doing", but the person doesn't do the same for you, that relationship is one sided. When you couple that with the excuse that the person is too busy to reach out to you so you must be the person to always make contact, it is indicative that there's a trauma bond there. You fear letting go of the people who don't give you a second thought out of hopes that one day you'll get in return the same love and attention you put out.
Another scenario is when you haven't heard from a person in several months or years despite you having reached out to them several times and when you finally reconnect, your conversation picks up and you laugh and talk the way you did the last time you spoke. You even make plans to meet up face-to-face to do more catching up. You set a date, time, and location but the person cancels on you for the umpteenth time. Because of your trauma bond, you excuse it by saying you understand things come up.
Yes, things come up we can't deny that, but we have to admit that it isn't coincidence things only come up when the plans are with you. Given the ability to see people's lives in action via social media, their posts are proof of your invalidity in their life. As always, you'll excuse them but let me remind you again, this isn't an authentic friendship sweetie pie, it is simply a relationship you have with someone who you may have known for an extended period of time.
In authentic friendships, people will show you that they value you as well by reciprocating what you bring to the table. You won't always be the initiator of phone calls, texts, or requests to spend time together.
Once you've admitted to yourself that you have developed trauma bonds with people in your life, you must identify why.
It can be difficult to see why you would allow someone to treat you as if you're their third wheel but self honesty is the best policy for overcoming lies that bind and ridding yourself of negative belief patterns.
Ask yourself these questions. On a scale of 1 - 6 where
1 (one) = Absolutely
3 (three) = Somewhat
6 (six) = Not at All
¤ Do I feel good about myself?
1 2 3 4 5 6
¤ Do I place value on what others provide me with in my relationships?
1 2 3 4 5 6
¤ Do I know what I want from my relationships with others?
1 2 3 4 5 6
¤ Have I invested more into my
friendships than I've gotten in return from them?
1 2 3 4 5 6
¤ Do my friends carve out time to connect with me they way I do for them?
1 2 3 4 5 6
If you scored 15 or less, you have trauma bonds that will prevent you from developing and maintaining healthy relationships and not be conducive to your steady transformation and growth.
Now that you have an awareness of something that has been happening within your relationships/friendships, you have the power & ability to do something about it. Do you desire to break free from trauma bonds?
I can help you to overcome these obstacles, renovate your mindset, and evict negative beliefs patterns that will allow you to life a transformed and renewed lifestyle.
Schedule your FREE consultation today by visiting my website below.
www.mrsannbey.com
Not quite ready to fully dive into mindset renovation? I understand. Facing this type of truth about people we hold near and dear to heart can be difficult. I want to offer you my FREE 7 Day Personal Discovery Journal. Download it now by clicking HERE
Let me know if you found this information and resource useful.
~Mrs Ann